Walls

As I've grown up, I've grown apart from some of the people I once was the closest to. This makes me sad but it makes me happy at the same time. It saddens me to look back at all the memories and know that these people are gone from my life. These people who were such a big part of my life for a number of years. At the same time, I look at the situation and know that I am in a better place without them. When people you know become people you knew, when text messages and conversations stop, the friendship seems to be over. As I look back at this and wonder how it came to be, I think it started over a year ago. When I was going through the hardest personal time in my life, neither one noticed. Best friends should be able to tell when something's wrong. When I coached basketball for an entire season and you can't seem to make it to one of my games and no real excuse for not being there, true colors seem to shine through. When you lie about your relationship and cover things up because you think I'll look at you differently, #1- I probably will and #2- you're not a best friend. When you break plans with me to do something with someone else without any hesitation, you're not a best friend. And mostly, when we go two months without a single word, it makes me think we were never true friends to begin with. So.. as I look at where I was a year ago and where I am today, I feel like I have grown and seen how people grow apart at the same time. I'm not saying that I didn't make mistakes or that there is anyone to place blame on, but that it just happened. About a year ago, I built up a wall, a wall that wouldn't easily be broken. My trust was shattered in a lot of things and some people didn't care enough to break down that wall. I think the saying goes, let the chips fall where they may and that is exactly what has happened.

In life, it's important to remember that some things fall apart so that better things can fall together.

My life has been a perfect display of that from various college incidents to friendships to family to life itself. I've screwed things up only to find that God pulls me through to something better. Often times, something that I never expected. Perfect example: I ended my basketball career and found coaching. Had I played through my senior year of college, I may have never had a job opening with such a perfect fit as CNE. I am a firm believer in the fact that every thing happens for a reason; they may not fit into your schedule but we live on God's time not our own.

Over and over again in my life, I've lost friends only to find better ones. I've broken friendships that I learn from, grow from and move on. Sometimes, I've found new friends wherever life leads me and more recently, I've grown closer to existing friends. As we get older and people change, friendships aren't what they used to be. Morals and values change and we grow apart from some people who we were the closest to. I don't think that anything is wrong with this. It's just another sign to me of growing up. The realization that losing friends is ok is a sign of maturity. I'm not saying that I'm superior to anyone or that I'm more mature than any of my friends but as you grow up and your values and interests change, so do theirs. Without communication or a common ground to connect you, you, in essence, lose these friends. I'm not better or worse off without them, it doesn't make me feel any differently one way or another. I think, in recent times, it just had to happen for me to grow and become a happier person. I don't regret many things in my life that I probably should because most of those things have led to some of the greatest things in my life. Recent times have been no different. :)

All the glory to God for He knows what His plans are for us.

Thoughts, Ideas, Quotes, Life.

I've blogged for classes and have been itching to get back into it and really use words and a blog to express thoughts and ideas, things that fly into my head one moment, make me stop and think and then fly back out of my head without a second hesitation. My ideas that I want to get down are mostly bigger than me, things I think about about accomplishing so a bucket list of sorts. I have so many things that I want to do in my lifetime and am scared to death that they may never happen but excited and challenged at the same time to follow through on these fantasies, dreams perhaps. I want to travel the world, I want to make a difference, I want to be a teacher, a coach, a singer, a photographer, a mother, a missionary, at different times and all at once. Maybe I'll never be all these things, but I can dream about them. I can hope and wish and pray that God will allow these dreams to come true and to shape my life and my being into whatever he wants them to be. As my favorite verse says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. Only He knows what my future holds and me, I can't wait to figure out what He has in store.